Strawberry In Wonderland

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Okay, yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought.
I'm down to 91.75 WITH CLOTHES ON :)
I also weighed the clothes I was wearing, they're 1.25 pounds
So that puts me at 90.5!!!!
My lowest ever:)

h-5'0
w-90.5!
hw-107
lw-90.5!
gw1-90
gw2-88(by christmas)
gw3-85

I'm fasting today, and I'm so fucking happy with my weight.

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i felt like comparing what i eat to my friends and so i did and i felt so good about myself!! see the difference. for breakfast i had two grapes, they had two big croissants, and lays chips!! for lunch i had vegetables, they had salad also but filled with cheese and dressing. then when we went out they bought cotton candy and then fries! thats just too much i can never imagine myself eating that on a normal day. i also started thinking about how they didnt feel guilty at all and if i ate like that i would feel the world has ended!! i dont want to eat that much but i also hate feeling so guilty after eating! ugh...
i MUST lose 3 kgs by my birthdayyy!! MUST.
how are you all doing girliess? :)
oh and btw my wannabe anorexic "friend" has stopped being stupid and she is back to eating normally. just double the amount lol.

I am doing the ABC diet, starting tomorrow, I have never done it before, any suggestions on good foods?

I couldn't bring myself to weigh myself this morning because I haven't been able to go to the bathroom for 4 days now. I feel like a WHALE. I've had fiber cereal, fruit, veggies, multi-vitamins, acidophillis, mineral oil, water, and I've even increased my portions to move things along, and I still can't go. I have no idea what's going on. I'm not currently taking any medications. Has anyone else experienced this due to ana? Without resorting to laxatives, are there any other ways that help?

fucking hate myself right now. Got drunk and binged on chips and gravy. Tried to puke it up but fuck all came up. Took the laxatives and they better work. Now i'm crying cos I can't believe I did this. Argh. Sorry for the depressing post :(

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so some news here...
i'm now 56 kg, thats like 123 pounds. but the amazing thing about that is... half ayear ago... i had to go to see a docter about my sleeping deases (i sleep like wayyy to much for the past 3 years... going better now!) and there the scale told me i was 66 kg:O i just really died... because i hadn;t weight myself for over 2 years at that point...
but that means... in half a year i lost 10 kg!:D i'm sooo happy about that... and i really can't tell anyone here irl because they would get angry about me beeing so happy about it...
wel anyway happy about that... less happy about the fact i'm not going to reach my first goalweight in time... the 12th of november was the first time i posted here... and i was 59.9 kg, i said i wanted to be 55 in one month... but its impossible for me to reach that befor 12th of december now... well i will be in the 55 kg rainge... maybe i'm like 55,6 or something... but i have a party the 11th... so probably going to eat to much and surtanly drink to much....
well i'll tell the 13th what my weight is... because the 12th i'm somewhere else and can't weight myself or even post here.
for the people that don't understand after my scale was found.... i confinced them it wasn't about loosing allot of weight... it was just because the docter had said i should loos some:P and they where like ok... and now i'm makeing them believe i'm 60 kg at this moment:P that i'm staying around that... but i know there will be a time they don't buy it anymore... and my sister is comming home from Oslo, norway, havn't seen her in half a year... so i just hope she doesn't start about my weight in front of my parents...

i lost a little less from yesterday than i wanted... probably because i ate 218 cals worth of chips when i had to wait for my train home around 10pm and i alsow had a high fat dinner my mom forced upon me, i ate as less as posible but still.

ok this was a long post and not really interesting to any of you guys... but its nice to be able to say it... because this is the only place i can..
if ou read to here, thanks:)

love *hug*
mathilde

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sooo i actually am in complete mania from this antidepressant. i am up all night i just cant sleep i have work at 8am in manhattan so i'll probably leave at like 5:30 and drive in. can't sleep at all. i ate at 3am not alot but still thats a bad time to eat. i had 1 oreo and 4 swedish fish ughhh. didnt eat dinner or lunch though. just had kindof a brunch (1 hardboiled egg and plain tuna) so overall i did ok until the 3am boredom fest. it wasnt a binge i hope i didnt gain i cant sleep this sux. anyone ever been on wellbutrin or geodon?

breakfast-salad with avocado, chicken, cashews, romaine lettuce, crackers, dried onions, lime, and apple-around 300

snack-plain popcorn and romaine lettuce-around 60

lunch-frozen yogurt-around 200

snack-coffee and milk-around 300

dinner-rice with soy sauce-around 200

snack-cornbread muffin with butter, tortilla with butter sugar and cinnamon-400

grand fucking total:around 1000.

Today wasn't a good day for me:/
Fast tomorrow, if you want to do it with me, I can text to anyone in the US and I also have a.i.m.
Just let me know, and good luck lovelies<33

Hey Yall
I havent been on n forever and im bout to tell yall why!.
Ok my 4 yr old nephew always comes in and messes on my computer and somehow pulled up this page and since I have such great luck my sisters happened to walk in and see it and read EVERYTHING! They ended up freaking out and told my psychotic mother (seriosly my mother is psycho she goes and freaks out over everything) and she starts screaming at me and i mean literally screaming making me feel like a criminal. She and everyone else knows about my ED cuz I told them about it 2yrs ago but I never got help and it just kinda blew over so 2yrs later when they find out I never "got over it" they got really angry and were all like why are you like this, what is wrong with you!. So the past like week since theyve known still no help and no one has said anything about my ED just like before it has blown over. Ive told my sisters i deleted this but i didnt (mainly cuz i didnt know how) but ive been so depressed i just had to tell someone who understood. Well I dont know when the next time ill be on again..this is very risky actions im taking getting on lol. But I hope everyone is doing well and has a Merry Christmas :)
~Catie(:

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Well today has gone fairly well. I have only eaten cucumbers and hummus and some other veggies. I did slip and have a little chocolate ice cream, but i threw it in the trash after a bit or two, so all in all i think today is going fairly well. Right now I am with Daniel playing his Nintendo 64 that he found while cleaning, he is playing Zelda. This works for me because he is wrapped up in the game and forgot about dinner. I might make him some dinner in a and just have coffee, I'll tell him I was picking at it while I made it, that should work. I'm excited for coffee though, he works at Starbucks and brought home a free lbs of Christmas coffee and a box of Tazo tea....so yummy.
Well ladies ( and gents ) I am off
think thin stay strong
-L

Daily Update of sorts. I guess I'll post now instead of later. Food went well yesterday and today so far. I am having cravings though. They'll pass. Yesterday's huge bowl of veggies was a success! Very scrumptious! I'll probably have the same thing for dinner today. Weight is as follows:

164>162.5>160.5>159.5 only .5 away from the goal I set to reach by 12/19. Not bad! I'm going to see how far beyond my goal I can go! Obstacles are:

>I am bulimic, therefore I have a natural tendency to binge impulsively when food is available.
>Work Christmas party Saturday night where there will be way too much food. I have to bring a dish. If I bring brownies I can make them without having to taste them.
>Going out drinking this weekend and possibly out to eat to celebrate my recent graduation. If I only get chips and salsa and don't eat all day, I'll get drunk super fast, which means fewer calories.
>Fridays are usually the days that I cave. Must stay strong!!

Hopefully those are the only obstacles between now and 12/19.

I don't really want to talk about my day. I want this week to be over already. I hate finals.
My cravings are bearable right now, but I don't know how long I can fight them. Staying in my room till it's time for me to go make my dinner.

Stay Strong. Stay Strong. Stay Strong.

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wow... i haven't posted in a looong long time.
time flew by and, poof! suddenly i had to hand in my final assignement... about photography with 30 fotos.
in the end i handed it in too late ad now can only get a 4... (1 is worst, 6 is best... 4 is just okay). why i handed in too late? i kept telling myself it wasn't good enough and had 2 nervous breakdowns in a week and collapsed about 3 times.
but now it's alldone and i'm free and will start work again next week.
but i had to gain a bit because of that last week... the doctor said i didn't sleep and eat enough and that the few vitamins i had couldn't be stored because i wasn't eating... bah. so who ever is in stress... make sure... PLEASE!!! make sure you eat and sleep enough... especially sleep!
so now i'm trying to loose weight again... somehow it's so stupid and we all know that...
but i'm not moving a bit... i'm staying constant and it's sooo annoying!
still, i won't be giving up on being 115 on new years eve... i know, thats in about 3 weeks and i still have 8 pounds to loose if not a bit more... still i believe in myself...
i thought i'd drink one glass of skim milk each day... just for the vitamins, magnesium and all, replace one meal (most likely dinner) with bouillon soup and fast every second day... think i'll make it?
i need holidays... ugh...

hope all of you are fine and happy and all! with love, irene